is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
