my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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