stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
