Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
