how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
