Whod you bang
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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