It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
