i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
