she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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