WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
