I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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