she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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