I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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