Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
