Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
