On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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