Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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