My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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