He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
