That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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