having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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