now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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