i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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