im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
