is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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