I wish I only lived at night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
