So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
