Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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