i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
