It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
