so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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