You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
