Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
