i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
