She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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