Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
