I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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