The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
