She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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