Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
