Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
