so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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