How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
