It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
