i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
