I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize