I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
