were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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