I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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