Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
