i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
