he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm like, not good at living.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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