You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
