Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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