woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
