I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
