whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
