I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
