Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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