He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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