Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
