The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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