I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
