I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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