and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
