If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
