i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
