your thong is hanging out like whoa
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
