I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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