What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
