Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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