New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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