be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
