My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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