i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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