12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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