"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
