We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
