Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
