sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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