don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
