The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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