Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
