I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
