PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
