what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
