WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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